The Kitchen Floor

It’s supposed to be starting to feel like spring where we live. My heart longs for the fresh green buds, flowers popping up through the cold ground with their vibrant shades of pink, purple, yellow, and every color that signals spring has sprung! I love dusting off the planters for our porch, grabbing the rocking chair pillows out of the storage closet, and finding every reason to go to the garden center with an iced coffee. It’s therapy for me, but I’m not sure my husband would agree that the final bill is cheaper than a therapy session with a therapist. Thankfully, he doesn’t complain and fully supports my obsession with plants. There’s only one issue right now…the weather has gone BANANAS here. In less than 24 hours, we have had 80-degree weather, rain, sleet, hail, high winds, tornado warnings, snow, and dense fog. I am not motivated to go purchase flowers when they will blow off my porch, get frostbite, and then not be able to enjoy the sun while shopping for them. The season isn’t going how I anticipated or desired right now, and my frustration with the howling wind outside is a reflection of how I handle things spiritually at times. Friendly reminder, I’m human. I love Jesus, I am far from perfect, and I am still being sanctified daily by the work of the Holy Spirit.

Our life right now is also in a season that makes me uncomfortable, and did not go as planned. Last summer, my husband was offered a position for work near our families. It was, and is, an answer to my heart’s desire to be closer to family due to some health concerns and the simple fact that we have children. We prepared to list our dream home here, knew God was clear on His instructions to take the job offer, and explained to all 7 kids that God had provided a way for us to move closer to grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and dear family friends. We even got an above-listing-price offer on our home the day before it went live on the market! Talk about confirmation that we were walking in favor and blowing our minds with provision! But God had a different plan. We got through to the inspections, had so many great conversations with the buyers, including what furniture they would like to purchase, and then the day came to sign the inspection reports. We had agreed to do everything they asked and sent it back signed. Then the call came, “The buyers have backed out, they decided they don’t want a home on well water.” Wait, What?! Sure enough, the buyers who were so confident had changed their minds at the last second. We were devastated, the kids were sobbing, I was sobbing, I’m pretty sure our dogs were sobbing too. The life of living “show ready” would begin the next morning. My husband had to go on to his new position in a different state, and I would keep the kids in our home until it sold and we were able to join him.

Within 2 weeks, we had another contract, and the exact same situation unraveled before our eyes. Another excited buyer, who decided last minute, well water wasn’t their jam. A few weeks passed, dozens of showings, and we got a cash offer on our home. Yes! Praise Jesus! We made an offer on a home in our new state, set up moving details, and BAM! Their financing fell through. I would love to tell you I handled this with mature faith and led well as a mom, but that would be a lie. I absolutely crumbled. It had been 5 months of living states apart, over 50 showings, homeschooling the kids in an environment that had to stay spotless, and parenting solo (hats off to all the single parents, you have always had my respect and it has only deepened). If you know our family, you know I had just done this exact thing in 2022-2023 for 7 months. The difference was that we knew we were moving to join Jeremy at the end of the school year, so we had been able to sign up for all the activities and things to keep everyone sane. This time, we had missed the sign-ups and couldn’t sign up for more because we needed to be ready to move at any point. I called my mom on my way to the grocery store and literally dumped all my grief, doubts, and fears in our conversation. How could God, who is so infinitely good and gives good gifts, let this happen to us repeatedly as we tried to obey His direction? How was I supposed to look my kids in the face when I got back to Jeremy’s 600sqft apartment we were staying, to visit and say things were going to be fine. They sure didn’t feel fine!

Thankfully, my mom is a Holy Spirit-filled woman, and she spoke truth into my life. Reminded me that God had never failed me, and He wasn’t going to fail me now. Things I would say to you if you were in the place I was, but right then, it was me who needed hope. I wiped the snot and running mascara off my face, bought the groceries, and headed back to hunker down for 8 days while an ice storm passed through. 10/10 don’t recommend being iced in a 600 sqft apartment with 7 kids, 2 cats, and 4 large dogs if sanity is your thing, but if you’re a little crazy like us, it can be the best laughter, bonding, and entertainment you’ll have in a long time. When the roads were thawed out and we knew we could make the 12 hour trek back home safely, I packed them back in our big van and started our drive.

I had a lot of time to pray and process as I drove home. I worked through doubts, fears, repented for my response, asked Him to strengthen my faith, but most importantly to help me not loose sight of the eternal in my immediate struggle. Jesus can handle all of our mess. He knows it’s happening, so why do we try to hide it from Him? Instead, we have to make a conscious decision to run to His feet and allow His embrace to comfort us. Much like when my children are hurting, physically or emotionally, they don’t hide away; they come find where I am and get close. Even if they don’t have words in that moment, I know they just need my presence. I just needed to be in His presence, and He would meet the needs in my heart even if I didn’t know what to say.

We got another offer. This time they got to that same spot in the process and said they didn’t know they needed permits to make the modifications to the garage so they were out. The craziest thing happened, though, because I had worked through all the ugly emotions, thoughts, and fear with the last contract, my heart did not lose hope this time. Instead, I just leaned back into my heavenly Father’s presence, took a deep breath, and kept going. He would provide the right contract at the right time. Even though we lost the house we had made the offer on, it was going to be ok.

Another 4 weeks passed, no activities, no offers, but we were at over 70 showings of people who “loved” our home. Trusting, obeying, focused on eternity over circumstances. Our pastor was preaching on the burning bush in first few chapters of Exodus, specifically on the signs and wonders God would do through Moses. Our pastor commented in response to the leprosy sign that sometimes obedience makes things look much worse before they get better. I wanted to stand up and testify in my seat! I could not have asked for a better example of my life. Every time I step out to obey, things get worse for a season, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In fact, this season felt like death to hope more than once, but it was just waiting on the wonder of His plan. The favor hadn’t been removed, or our callings, or the assignment. It was just part of the process of obedience.

I dropped the kids off with my parents for a couple days with Jeremy while he attended a conference. My goal was to spend my time without kids to listen to the Lord on some things He had been impressing in my spirit, one being this blog. It was a precious retreat of peace, healing, and listening. We refused to talk about the lack of contract, and only talk about how grateful we were for a chance to connect after all the months apart. Day 2 into our trip, our agent called with an offer that had Jesus written all over it and through it. The buyers were in love with the house and wanted a fast close. We scrambled to coordinate moving details. We got to share the good news with our kids when we got back and prepare them for the fast paced 3 weeks ahead. Jeremy and I both had moments of anxiety, but we could feel the Holy Spirit silencing the enemy every time. We couldn’t find a home in our new area within our budget that would fit our large family, and we were fixing to settle on one that we would make work, but knew wasn’t the best. Literally 2 minutes before we were going to make an offer, a home that is more than we would have ever dreamed or even asked for lowered the listing price to less than the home we were going to settle on. This one had space for kids, homeschooling, pets, and even the patio off the master, which I had dreamed of when this whole relocation debacle started. But best of all, it has space for us to do ministry in our home again. Room for guests, small groups, teens, and life being lived to it’s fullest for the glory of God.

I love to ponder over what God is doing, how it’s intertwined, and how it aligns with scripture. But when my husband shares his thoughts on what God is doing with me, I fall in love with everything about him all over again. He simply said he felt this home to purchase was why we had been through 8 months of disappointment, because we couldn’t claim we did anything to make this happen. This movement of selling and buying is clearly God alone. Much like Moses and Aaron failing at convincing Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, and God stepping in to show off His might and power as He rescued His people. No one could claim the glory for the miracle; it was all for God alone.

I don’t know when you read this if I will still be here, typing blogs as a mental break from packing, and anticipating the fulfillment of God’s miraculous plan for our family. But hopefully, if I am, it will be close to moving day. Maybe the move will even be completed. But what I do know, is that no matter what point we are in this process, only God will receive the praise.
Spring will come. I will be buying flowers for a new patio where I can sip coffee and read the Word before my kids run through our house at full throttle the second their eyes open. Most importantly, I will see promises fulfilled and be able to share the testimony of our most recent season with all who will listen.

I don’t know what season you are in. Hopefully, you’re coming out of winter into spring, but if you’re still in a season that is in the worst part, hang on. Spring is coming. The healing follows the obedience. ( Isaiah 58:8) The joy will replace the sorrow. (Psalms 30:5 )The Light will overcome the darkness.(John 16:33) If you’re in a vibrant, flourishing season, that’s amazing! Sing of the goodness of God, how He was faithful, and continues to prove Himself faithful to you. Be compassionate toward those around you who are still broken-hearted, trying to catch their breath, or waiting on the miracle.

If you were here, I’d ask where your season is right now. What areas do you need hope restored? What are you doing to stay close to His presence? Do you need more of this magnesium hot cocoa? Whatever your answer, I’m holding space for you. I’m glad you’re here.