The Kitchen Floor

Sleep. One of the keys to health that we seem to treat like a chore. Sleep allows our body to heal, repair, and refuel. When you’re in your college days, sleep is the nemesis. Late-night parties, all-nighters to cram for exams, and zero hesitation to drive through the night to get where we want to go. In your early career, you push it to the side, thinking you’re missing out because you have worked all day, and this is your only time to connect with friends. Add in kids and you’re never going to sleep again, just kidding…kinda of. Between multiple diagnoses of PTSD, CPTSD, all the traumas, and ADHD, sleep is something we fight for here. Most days you find me on the kitchen floor weary, there has been a rough night prior, and by rough night I mean we didn’t sleep. We have tried all the things, which I’m going to share with you in case you are also a mother to insomniacs or need some better sleep hygiene yourself! We have come to the hard conclusion that different stories require different sleep support, and some trauma means sleep is not safe in their minds. No amount of melatonin, clonidine, or other sleep aids will make a brain that has a history of trauma related to night or sleep rest. The healing has to be done around the clock, and feels never-ending.

Before I get into what we have tried, I would like to share some sleep stories with you. These are the updates that if you were physically on the kitchen floor with me, we would laugh about in hindsight and I would talk about the weight of them in the moment.

The most eventful would be this past January, when my resident insomniac appeared asleep at 11pm when I double checked on him after I finished my mom duties and cleaning. I fell asleep thinking how excited and grateful I was he was sleeping finally, ONLY TO BE WOKEN UP AT 1:30AM BY BEATING ON OUR FRONT DOOR. Mind you, my husband was out of state for work this night, so I was the adult on campus at our house. My 12-year-old thought it was our dogs moving the couch to get a toy, and I actually thought the same, so when she yelled for me as her feet hit the bottom stair I jumped out of bed. As I cracked the door open a firm, authoritative voice said, “Good evening Miss. We have received multiple hang-up calls to 9-11 from this number that shows it’s at this residence. The dispatcher tried to call back, but no one answered. Are you all ok?” 9-11? hang up calls? What in the actual…oh my word…he is about to put me in the grave! Of course, none of that was said to the officer; instead I let him inside and we had a whole conversation about how I didn’t think anyone was in danger, nor did I recognize the phone number. That would be when my 12-year-old pipes up from where they are holding our dogs at bay and says, “…mom….ummmm…that’s my phone number…” Guess I should memorize their phone numbers instead of depending on Siri to know which kid I need to call. The officer began to find our situation comical, and I was so grateful. They handled the whole thing with grace, suggested they not sleep with their phone by their bed in case they had rolled over on it, or sleep dialed. They told us to have a nice evening, and graciously left along with 1000 apologies that we had caused such a stir for them. LET ME TELL YOU! I locked that door and walked straight up to home boy’s room and wouldn’t you know he was standing right in the doorway of his room waiting to see what I would do! He told me he had just woken up to go to the bathroom, amazingly just woken up is a fully awake and clear voice for him. I asked if he saw the police, and he said “oh! There are police?! I just thought that was dad’s work truck lights.” Y’all…Jeremy’s work truck is for construction, there are zero red or blue lights on it. I knew I was not in the mental space to parent beyond a return to bed with a strict warning in that moment, and we would circle back to this in the morning. I did find a baby lock from our little kids room and put it on the very top of his door though, because it’s now 2:30am and this mama can’t lay awake wondering what other mischief he will find tonight. The next morning I called the dispatchers and apologized for the whole fiasco, explained we had special needs children (because explaining trauma-induced insomnia to a dispatcher seemed pointless), and thanked them again for the grace and kindness extended to us. Homie will not be touching his older siblings’ phone again, or any other electronic for that matter as far as I am concerned. This is where we have a rule with parenting trauma that differs from the majority of parents: we do not let trauma be used as an excuse for sin. Sin is sin. You might have been influenced by the trauma, but we can’t ignore the sin piece. This was the point that moved the psychiatrist to order a sleep study for him, and up an evening medication that should knock out a grown man, but is like apple juice to my 6-year-old insomniac. I spent about a week researching all the things to help him sleep (again), and spent the whole budget line because mama cannot parent well when she is sleep deprived and her cortisol is higher than the local mountain ranges.

There have been multiple occasions where that same sinner, I mean darling child, has snuck out of bed to eat 17 granola bars, all the applesauce, reset all the Nintendo consoles of his older siblings, or build an entire empire while we all are so exhausted from his antics during the day we drool on our pillows.

Then there’s my sleep walker, who if you give any sleep aids to (aside from a bedtime story) he will in fact pee in a suitcase, the bathtub, a chair, your closet, or his toy box. If you hear him heading down the stairs, you had better book it to intercept him before he reaches the pantry. He will not remember any of these things in the morning and tell you it’s all a lie.

While these moments are more entertaining looking back at them, they are 2% of what our sleepless nights really revolve around. Most nights, I hear crying, yelling out in their sleep, pure terror. I go in to hold them, sing worship songs over them, pray the Blood of Jesus over their minds and bodies, while praying for wisdom on how to parent their pain. They always seem to be reliving a part of their story, dreaming something has happened to me, or a sibling, and it always involves a bad guy.

Here is some of what I pray over them in these moments:

-That God would scour their conscious, unconscious, and subconscious with the blood of Jesus Christ.

-He would heal the wounds from their trauma, and call every cell in their bodies to right alignment with how God intended their original design.

-Every thought captive to the mind of Christ, and any thing not in line with the good gifts God gives His children would be cast to the foot of the cross and dealt with by the resurrected Savior.

-I bind anything that is not of God from our home and property, and pray the Holy Spirit floods our home with comfort, peace, and life.

I wish I could fix it all for them, give them sweet dreams where memories linger. I have learned that whatever their calling holds they need their past as part of their testimony. God will use all things for His Glory. Romans 8:28 Even when my mind cannot understand how good can come out of what my children have gone through, I know He is faithful and kind. Isaiah 55:8 Psalms 33:4. I can do everything to point them back to Christ, but ultimately they have free will to decide who Jesus is to them as they get older.

Back to sleep conversations! Here are some of the things we have tried to aid with sleep and sleep hygiene.

• Magnesium Gummies and calm magnesium drink powder. We have found these work well for everyone as part of the nighttime routine vitamins. My teens prefer the calm drink, my littles prefer the gummies.
• Valerian Root Tincture. We do this straight in their mouth at bedtime as well. Valerian works directly on the nervous system with calming effects. Great for trauma needs. I honestly just buy ours at Sprouts when I’m getting groceries.
• Melatonin XR/IR. This is not sometime that works for everyone. Some bodies will act like you have given them an energy drink, while others just need 1mg to be out in minutes. This is definitely a trial and error supplement, and you need to use it with discretion. When we use melatonin it is never for long periods of time. Maybe a night here or there, on vacation when they are adjusting to new spaces. But not nightly.
• Yoto Player We own 3 Yoto players and all the kaleidoscope cards that have been released. We love our Yoto players. It gives their brains something to listen to while their bodies decompress from the day. Cannot say enough good things about them. We chose these over tonies, but I have not checked out new versions of players like Sherwood.
• Hug Sleep Pod. Ok, this is basically a giant sock that you sleep in. It is supposed to help restrict spontaneous movements and help your body calm. I have one that loves it, one that wears it until he gets too warm, and one that thinks he’s trapped. Not sure I could say it’s worth my investment yet, or that I have seen a significant difference.
• Sound machines I love hatch sleep, we set them up with the green light with birds and red light with oceans for both the younger kids rooms. Helps them with “now is for sleeping” and gives me something to reference if they come out of the room before I get coffee and the machine is still on.
• Essential Oils I will forever live by my essential oils. I just ordered the serenity sleep system for my teen girl who is very anxious in nature, and it has been a GAME CHANGER for her. I have another children’s sleep oil I roll on my littles from young living, and still another I’m going to test out on my insomniac in the next month. I love diffusing oils in all our rooms depending on what we need at the time. Right now everyone has eucalyptus, lavender, peppermint, and patchouli going for this cold they’re sharing. I’m not complaining because my house currently smells like a high end spa.
• Blackout curtains forever and always. I only have one child who prefers light from outside while sleeping and it’s the baby. She is the best sleeper I have ever had in 17 years of parenting. This includes the 70+ foster kids, my biological children, and the kids I have watched over the years.
• Red Light I will also stand by the LUMEBOX for as long as I live. Aside from the healing aspect, it helps your nervous system so much! My kids know if it’s a really rough day a magnesium salt bath with essential oils and red light will be in their future. My advice is, this is a big investment piece, so don’t feel like you’re blowing money. We have used it for everything from anxiety, sinus infections, injuries, period cramps, sleepless nights, and collagen production. I got it on sale and used our HSA card. Quite honestly, it’s been one of the best clean crunchy purchases we have ever made.
• Magnesium salt bath Colds, viruses, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, achy, sore, cramps, and a host of other needs, this is my go to. I prefer the Flewd brand bath salts, the anxiety destroying is my personal bestie. We have epsom salts and magnesium salts from Sprouts that we use other times. I get the unscented. I know the brands that have all the “essential oil” scents are tempting, but don’t do it. It’s not clean oils, it’s basically just fragrance. You’re better off buying unscented and adding your own oils to your bath. You can also soak your feet in it if a whole tub isn’t realistic. You could do these daily and it wouldn’t hurt you. Just drink plenty of water during the day because it does aid in detoxing.
• Workout circuits This has worked for 2/3 of my boys. The insomniac thinks we are ready to wrestle and run the rest of the night. The only thing that seems to wear him down are wall sits and planks. We have “strong” competitions when we haven’t gotten to play outside much. This consists of circuits of wall sits, burpees, planks, running laps, push-ups, crunches, sit-ups, and races. My girls out burpee the boys every time, and it is one of my favorite things about circuits. We weren’t cry it out parents, but we are work it out parents. If they have too much pent up energy we have to get it out, or there will be a wrestling match within 30 min of bedtime. We do allow the boys to wrestle more than an hour before bed, but any closer and they can’t shut it off to sleep. Things you have to learn with trial and error.
• Hydroxyzine This is a prescribed allergy medication that has a side effect of calming anxiety and helping them rest. That being said, talk to your doctor about it being an option if you need it. We have all used it at some point. It is not crunchy, it is a medication. But it’s better than Benadryl. It has helped one of my boys tremendously with resting, he is also on other supplements and medications, but this one seems to make a great difference for him biologically. His little brother…not so much #teamnosleep
• Prescription medications these are definitely a talk to your doctor topic. I will share my experience, but I cannot recommend any of them unless it’s truly needed and you’ve talked to a doctor. We have tried clonidine, guanfacine, and other big ones. Clonidine is the only one that we have seen a positive impact with on the insomniac, but his dose is much higher than I prefer. I remind myself constantly that his body’s needs are so different than the rest of us, and if something is chemically off it may need a chemical to regulate enough to rest. Because no sleep = major meltdowns.
• Little mat in my room not my favorite, but also sometimes needed. When they are really struggling, I make a place for them in my room, by my side of the bed, where they can see me and I can hold their hand. Sometimes their hearts just need to know safety is close by. They will not go into high school still sleeping in your room, I can tell you that by middle school the idea of sleeping in your parent’s room is very uncool. Use your discernment and do what is best for your family.
• Massage There are dozens of deep tissue, pressure, feathering, and reflexive massage tools out there. I have done these with each infant and toddler and seen big improvements in their sleep. I tried it with my insomniac, and again, he thinks we are playing. However, I can squish him between the nugget couch pieces and it does seem to give that pressure release his muscles need to relax.
• Magnesium hot chocolate this is a cold weather favorite, and part of my routine in different parts of my cycle. It seems to have the combination of magnesium, protein, and cocoa that works magic. One of our therapists suggested milk and cookies for the same reason. The carbohydrates in the cookies allow the tryptophan in the milk to enter the brain. We make cookies and I have been known to put protein powder in every thing I can sneak it into, but sometimes there’s truth in just needing a good warm cookie for the soul.

I hope this list sparks some new ideas for you. There’s so much great information about sleep hygiene out there. The hardest one to follow is no blue light/electronics for at least 30 minutes prior to trying to sleep. I don’t know how much of a difference I can tell from the blue light itself, but I can tell a major difference if I have been scrolling vs intentionally reading something. Goes back to the clean living mindset. Now, let’s top off the magnesium hot cocoa with a dollop of fresh whipped cream and call it a night. I’ll see you back here in days to come, or maybe in the middle of the night when I’m up with kids and you’re up with thoughts. Hang in there, you aren’t alone.