The Kitchen Floor

I wasn’t sure where to start, but the theme I’m walking through in a specific area right now is forgiveness. As you get to know more of my story, you will learn that forgiveness has been a predominant theme in my life, both in extending and receiving. I have learned that while forgiveness is more for us than the one we are forgiving, the process of truly forgiving someone who has hurt you in some way can be much deeper than a simple “I forgive you” and may take the Holy Spirit pulling back layers for you to get to the root of what needs healing deep down. For example, I will struggle with recurring loops in my mind of things that were spoken over me, threats I’ve received, and toxic dumping from other believers. I can repeatedly say I forgive them, but reality is, if it still hurts, it’s not healed. Scars don’t cause pain; wounds do. That’s when I realize my desperate need for the Holy Spirit to come and heal the broken places while walking me through true forgiveness towards the situation. No constant repeating of forgiveness will fix my heart; I need the Savior who gently leads me, heals me, and restores me to walk me through while holding my hand.

I think maybe one of my favorite parts of being a Christ-follower is that I don’t have to walk through the hard seasons or healing on my own strength. In fact, scripture says He will heal the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalms 147:3).

Just recently, a friend reached out with some news that they thought would be as exciting for me as it was for them. They had no idea the thing they were sharing was actually a situation the Lord was calling me into deeper forgiveness over. For years, I have just moved on, smiled and waved, and done my best to live at peace with all those involved in this particular situation. I have done the hard work of forgiving the main situation, and it honestly doesn’t hurt to think or talk about it. All glory to God. But apparently, in my heart, I had just shoved this piece and its recurring offenses over to the side, convincing myself I had in fact truly forgiven and was walking in grace.

WRONG. I was actually just avoiding the reality that I still had a wound from another group of believers, and in my mind forgiving the big situation should have been like an all-encompassing blanket for the rest of the root hairs. Thankfully, the Lord doesn’t leave me in my mess, and He knew a few times of disrupting that weed-filled soil in my heart would cause me to fight for freedom from that wound. Wouldn’t you know the day prior, I had just written in my devotion reflections for God to give me grace towards those whom He was healing in ways I may not understand or see from where I stand?! Talk about a chance to exercise my request for spiritual growth. So I wrestled with those roots, like I was digging them out of my garden so they wouldn’t contaminate the rest of the good soil. It may have taken more effort than I would like to admit, but I can honestly say that I don’t hurt as badly when I think back to those situations and I am able to pray God blesses and uses all involved for His Glory. It will take time and me extending grace to truly feel the healing, but because He has been faithful every step of the way, I know He will be faithful still.

I don’t know what you’re wrestling with, or what roots are contaminating the good soil God has cultivated in your spirit. But I am confident He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it. Philippians 1:6. Do the hard work of allowing the Holy Spirit to pull back the layers and show you where the pain is resonating from. Christ will lead you to healing, binding up your broken heart, and bring freedom to the parts of you that are being held captive. Isaiah 61:1. 

One last thing. Be kind to yourself while you heal. Everyone heals at different rates, and every wound has its own needs to heal completely. Don’t get discouraged if it’s taking longer than you had hoped, but see it as the Lord drawing you under His wings while He heals more than you realized you were needing. 

The kitchen floor is a great place to sit, cry, seek healing, and process. The Holy Spirit meets me there all the time, and I have no doubt He will meet you there too. 

You are safe here. It’s time to heal.